Category Archives: SPIN On HuMANs

NEWS To Make Your Head SPIN

OK! Not the kind of news that would have the Editor scream "STOP THE PRESS"… Yet, fits this quote from Jerry Seinfeld :

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

So today, I shall tap into the drunk world for some news:

ITEM 1: Driver 'so drunk he should have been dead'

Vidmantas Sungaila was 18 times over the legal limit, but still managed to drive his truck, recognize the police and even stop for a breathalyzer test… Why do I get the feeling, there is drunk out there, who is probably going to interpret this news as an open challenge and make an attempt for 19 times over the limit… But the person, who probably could have challenged this has quit drinking (See ITEM 2)


The investigative reporter has narrowed down the numbers to 24 beers/day within a span of eight years…

ITEM 3: Teacher accused of showing up drunk

With the shortage of Industrial Arts Teachers in US, I'm pretty sure Mr.Johnson will probably show up to class again…

ITEM 4: Unlicensed, drunk car thief risks life in fast lanes

To drink and drive is bad, but to drink, steal and drive without a license is simply cool…

ITEM 5: Man charged with stealing gum ball machine from police station

The man was smart enough to let his drunk friend to drive the car, so the gum ball machine theft should be pardoned…

ITEM 6: Indian court protects wife after drunk husband mumbled ‘divorce’

OK… So the Muslim Clerics in this story had no problem with the husband being drunk (I was always under the impression that drinking was a sin in Islam) and they want to separate a couple that wants to live together? IMHO, a few people need to sober up and it ain't the husband…

ITEM 7: Man With Two Prosthetic Legs, Deaf Man Brawl In Bar

No Comments!!!

ITEM 8: Woman miscarries after scuffle with drunk men

Waiting to see the judgment on this case… The last thing I need to hear from the judge is drunkenness being used as an excuse…

ITEM 9: Bride rejects drunk groom

A standing ovation to the Bride! I mean, if you can't be sober for your wedding, then this match is heading towards hell…

ITEM 10: Drunk man arrested after fighting with police

If you're drunk and have an urge to fight, pick your opponents from ITEM 7… Don't mess around with cops who can use guns and self-defense as an argument to shoot you…

ITEM 11: Cop charged with drunk driving

Please make changes to my comments on ITEM 10… The change should read: It's ok to pick a fight with a drunk cop…

ITEM 12: Driving drunk a sin, cardinal tells Indian Catholics

Driving drunk is not a sin; it's simply a dumb thing to do… Please Cardinal Vithayathil, I think we have enough things added to the Sin Column, no need to expand it…

And with that, SPIN shall end its 12 ITEM Program… (Meant for drunks who are too drunk to complete AA's 12-STEP Program) …



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And Now Everybody Wants To Be Liberal Leader…

rd.jpgAs soon as the Simpleton heard the words “Dr.Ruby Dhalla might be running for the Liberal Leadership,” he knew the time has come to start looking at the list of names of the candidates who will not be running because that list seems to be much shorter…

Rarely does a guy get to say ” I have a crush on a politician,” (not to be confused with “I want to crush a Politican” which has been said many times) but now the Simpleton will shamelessly use those words… I mean, just look at her (or click on her name for better pictures)… And I think its about time Snowland finally got a young, beautiful and talented Liberal Prime Minister (I say Liberal here because even the Simpleton knows about the list of things never to ask from Conservatives)…

But do I really think Ruby has any shot at being a Prime Minister (or even a less important role as the leader of the Liberal Party)… Most probably not for another 20 years… And this has very little to do with either race or gender… It has more to do with her age … I think a 15 year old kid has a better chance than Ruby… For some weird reason, people have a hard time accepting a person in her 30s as a leader…

OK… I admit, I might have used Ruby as bait to get you to read my views on Snowland Politics, but when the Citizens of a country refuse to accept my theory, I have no choice but to export it…

A Crash-Course In Snowland Polit(r)ic(k)s

After spending eons as the ruling party, the Liberal Party (LP) were recently replaced by the Progressive Conservatives (PC or Tories to their enemies) in Canada… The LP was actually flying the course smoothly, until a sponsorship scandal crashed it… And now for those who love a little irony in their course, the major factor involved in bringing the LP to power during the early 90s was actually the Air Bus scandal by the PC… (In 1984, PC led by their leader Brian Mulroney came to power with the largest parliamentary majority in Canadian History, but in 1993 they saw their majority slip down to just two seats… And the LP led by Jean Chretien would take over the business, only to lose it back to the PC in 2006)…

Snowland’s Unique Technique of Choosing A Government

Snowland has to be the coolest place to live… And mostly because of the way the citizens choose their government… Just like most other countries, almost 50% of the citizens don’t care about politics (or simply don’t vote), so we can ignore those folks… But its the other half (or actual voters) who make Snowland a unique country…

In most countries, citizens elect their leaders based on campaign promises, but in Snowland they do it based on the amount comic relief they are willing to provide… And this probably has to do with the two government sponsored 24/7 Comedy Channels on the tube known as Parliamentary Channels (French & English), which covers the daily proceedings live (and later reruns it a few times) … Now I honestly don’t know when these channels actually started, but a few pundits have pointed they have been around since the early 80s…

Now to prove my theory, I’m going to turn the spotlight on two leaders who pretty much held on to Party Leadership for a long period… To be unbaised, I have picked one from the PC and the other from the LP…

(1) Jean Chrétien ( Canadian PM From 1993 – 2003)


(2) Martin Brian Mulroney (Canadian PM From 1984 – 1993)


These two leaders were able to hold onto the party-leader ship for a long period because:

  • They looked funny
  • They acted funny
  • They sounded funny

So the twelve or thirteen ( if you want to add Ruby to the list) Liberal Leadership canditates should start working on these three qualities to win…


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But Who Will Cry For Me?


A Letter Sent To The Editor of SPIN:


As I see angry women

Sweep the streets

Holding brooms

And Screaming

“Save our culture”

“Preserve our tradition”

I cry for them

But who will cry for me?

With my birth

Begins my death

For a few minutes

I too enjoy

Culture and tradition

Now I’m being

Dissected and disfigured

But who will cry for me?




The Simpleton Replies:

Let them slice you

Or even dice you

Make you look like a Mexican taco

Or even a slice of pizza from Pico


But I still want cry for you

Accepting your look might be a challenge

But taking a bite proves taste want change

Why do you cry in shame?

When your smell remains the same

Shame –A tool in Bio-politics for Salvage


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Nightmares From SOCIOLOGY 101

sp008.jpg So the Simpleton entered the beautiful building where Intellectuals are produced (aka University)… He chose Systems Engineering as his major because the "Wisemen" told him if you become an Engineer you can live a lazy life… The Wisemen also said "The Smart thing to do is to choos a minor in an alternate field"… But the Simpletons are never known for doing the smart things, so this one opted to take a whole bunch of courses that would protect him from the Intellectuals… And one such course happens to be "SOCIOLOGY 101"…

A middle aged woman who was almost beautiful came into the Lecture Hall and promised to help us understand Human Nature within a semester…

The course was going smoothly and the simpleton was busy reading all these nice theories on Human Nature:

  • Erich Fromm – Human Nature is Shaped By Society
  • Edward O.Wilson – Human Nature is Shaped By Genetics
  • George W.Morgan – Human Nature Is Free and Complex
  • Jean-Paul Sartire – There Is No Human Nature
  • Martimer J.Adler – There Is A Human Nature
  • Thomas Hobbes – Human Nature Is Anti-Social
  • Jean-Jacques Rousseau – Human Nature Is Corrupted By Society
  • Sigmund Freud – Human Nature Is Aggressive
  • Riane Eisler – Human Nature Is Not Aggressive
  • Charles Darwin – Human Nature Is An Extension Of Animal Evolution
  • Blaise Pascal – Humans Are In Conflict Within Themselves
  • Washington Irving – Humans Are In Conflict With Nature
  • George Orwell – Human Nature Might Be Destroyed
  • Alexander Solzhenitsyn – Human Nature Cannot Be Destroyed
  • Lewis Mumford – The Future Requires A New Kind Of Human Nature
  • B.F.Skinner – Humans Can Build Utopia

With an end to the semester just a few weeks away, the middle aged woman who was almost beautiful dropped an atomic bomb in this form:

"Students ! For your final assignment , which will be worth 30% of your final grade, I would like to define Human Nature in your own words. Make sure you have at least 10 to 15 pages (Of course, double spaced) of content."

And the Simpleton thought:

What a Bitch? The Simpleton entered this course without knowing anything about Human Nature, but now finds himself confused about Human Nature… And trust the Simpleton when he says not knowing about something is much better than being confused about the same thing…

Now you be the judge, here we have a whole bunch of intellectuals trying to outsmart each other and in the process confusing a whole group of Simpletons, but to make things worse, the woman actually wants even the Simpleton to define Human Nature…

And so this is how the Simpleton's paper began:

Human Nature has become undefinable because of the species known as "the Intellectuals" who keep coming up with more and more theories about Human Nature… If there was only one theory and all humans bought into that theory, then may be we might be able to come with a definition for Human Nature.

So in reality, Human Nature varies depending on which theory a particular human has bought into (if not brought into) or in most cases living a happy life without knowing about any of these theories ( something I really should have done, instead of wasting money on a course which promises you to help understand Human Nature, but in the end asks you to define it).

Reaction is very much part of Human Nature. So instead of wasting time trying define Human Nature, I'm going to use this paper to create a theory on how humans react to different situations. This theory will focus on two particular classes: the uneducated and the educated…

The uneducated have immediate reactions to different situations, but soon forget about what they reacted to…

The educated usually don't react (because they consider themselves as civilized), but instead keep rationalizing the uneducated's reaction to a situation, until they themselves start believing in it…


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The Failed Experiment


“Eureka!” Screamed the genius, convinced he had the perfect solution for controlling the moral ills within a society…

Holding a bottle marked “CULTURE & TRADITION”, he enters Simpleton’s lab… inside the lab, he sees the simpleton standing between two other humans, one holding a bottle marked “RELIGION” and other with a bottle marked “LEGAL LAWS”…

An experiment was conducted and the simpleton presents you with his version of the LAB Report:

Investigating Morality


Some of the scholars, intellectuals and politicians strongly believe the level of morality within the society is declining day by day… They have provided us with three bottles of solutions… The simpleton will try to perform an experiment with these solutions


Can we completely cure moral ills by applying Religion, Legal Laws and Culture & Tradition?

Experimental Design:

A box labeled “SOCIETY” will be applied with three different solutions… The solutions will be poured according to the order they were received…

Materials:1 box of “SOCIETY”

1 bottle of “RELIGION” Solution

1 bottle of “LEGAL LAW” Solution

1 bottle of “CULTURE & TRADITION” Solution


  1. “RELIGION” solution was poured into the box of “SOCIETY, results were observed and recorded
  2. “LEGAL LAW” solution was poured into the box of “SOCIETY, results were observed and recorded
  3. “CULTURE & TRADITION” solution was poured into the box of “SOCIETY, results were observed and recorded


Procedure Results
“RELIGIOUS” solution was poured Moral Ills were still visible
“LEGAL LAW” solution was poured Moral Ills were still visible
“CULTURE & TRADITION” Solution was poured Moral Ills were still visible


The experiment showed none of these solutions could completely get rid of Moral Ills from the box of “SOCIETY”… The providers of the three solutions kept blaming each other as to why a certain solution didn’t work, but the simpleton had other reasons… All three solutions had the potential to work, but only if some equilibrium could have been established between the components used within each solution… But even equilibrium doesn’t guarantee a society completely free of Moral Ills because Morality begins with an Individual and then passes onto a society…


The experiment failed to show Moral Ills can be completely cured by applying Religion, Legal Laws and Culture & Tradition…


The experiment is judged to be adequate, but sufficient. The procedures are simple and easy to follow. The results are easy to see, but the evidence provided is not sufficient to solve the problem… The fact that the simpleton had only one box of Society may have played an important role here…


The simpleton apologizes to his Chemistry Prof for the blatant misuse of Chemistry with Sociology

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The Dead Politician’s Will


The dead politician left this on his will:

To all future Politicians, I leave these words:

Become a politician by lying…

Become a politician by cheating…

Become a politician by making false promises…

But please don’t become a politician using:

Religion, History & Culture

Because politics will survive…

But the other three will be distorted and lose its popular appeal…



Reading of this “Will” reminds the Simpleton of Dr.A.C.Grayling’s (Western Philosopher and certified by SPIN as an Intellectual) thoughts on Politics:


“Politics and Goverment are very different things. They interact, especially at election time, and almost everyone fails to see the difference – even, sometimes, politicians themselves especially those in opposition, who are able to make promises proportional size to the unliklihood of their ever having to be fulfilled. But most responsible politicians recognise the difference between managing the complexities of a large and populous country, and the political endeavour of persuading voters to continue giving their support.”

Excerpts From Dr.A.C.Grayling’s book “The Reason Of Things”

OK… This probably will sound good to most except the Simpleton… And the problem begins with this:

“But most responsible politicians recognise the difference between managing the complexities of a large and populous country, and the political endeavour of persuading voters to continue giving their support.”

This is true only if the voters are “Thinkers”… But traditionally Voters have always been “Believers”… If that happens, its unfair to ask a responsible politician to play by the rules…



So in this case, the Simpleton is going replace that portion of Dr.A.C.Grayling’s thoughts with Rapper ICE T’s lyrics:

“Don’t Hate The Playa(Player)…Hate The Game…”

From the Album “7TH DEADLY SIN”…

Of course, the intellectuals are going to keep dancing to the tune “Educate the Voters”, but the Simpleton says “May be Uneducating some of the Intellectuals would be a better solution”…

Dr.A.C.Grayling also offered this about the “Media”:

“The public see only part of the external face of goverment. Its ordinary tasks, even those that are done well, rarely find mention in the media, which is hungry for mistakes, problems, lies, evasions, difficulties, conflicts, quarrels, arguments, disasters, miscalculations, personality clashes, and anything else which makes a good story. In consequence the public gets a low impression of politics”

Excerpts From Dr.A.C.Grayling’s book “The Reason Of Things”

Again what the good doctor with a book titled “The Reason Of Things” has to understand is that for decades the Media has been able to survive with the excuse “Don’t Blame The Messenger” and the pop culture rarely blames the media even when they are wrong, so there is no need to be optimistic about this trend changing… But the Doctor saying “even those that are done well, rarely find mention in the media,” is what leads to this illusion called “Patriotism” and false hope that an “Utopian Society” can be created… In any Society, the relationship between Citizens and Goverment is more or less a buisness partnership… If the media keeps reporting only good news then it becomes a propaganda machine… There is absolutely nothing wrong with Media reporting “mistakes, problems, lies, evasions, difficulties, conflicts, quarrels, arguments, disasters, miscalculations, personality clashes,…” as long as they have the facts…


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A Confusion Over Appearance

I'm sure some of you are wondering why an unusual appearance for  "The Simpleton"… But there is a reason behind it… The incident occurred around september 30'2005, just as the simpleton entered a political forum from the state where there will be an election in May 2006 (May Day! May Day! Ignore the Media and the Politicians who provide the inkbottle to the print media)… Someone at that forum suggested the simpleton should be more Conservative and keep his Liberal ideas to himself…So when asked how could the simpleton become a conservative, they suggested dressing conservatively would be good start… So when asked how does one dress conservatively…They suggested he should not show body parts that might offend others… Then he went around surveying the opposite sex to find out which body parts offended them… And now he looks like this:


They said, ”You dumb moron, we were just being politically correct… What ever we said should apply only to women and women only?”…

A little miss understanding has victimized the Simpleton… This is something we all have to get used in contemporary society… Once upon a time there was actually a clear definition for Liberals and Conservatives…

Liberals were those who believed a flat moral order fosters diversity of thought and behavior across the society… Or simply "Take care of yourself so that society does not have to do it for you"…

Conservatives were those who believed a structured moral order brings uniformity of thought and behavior across society…

And traditionally, these two groups have been battling each other… But with Intellectual doctrines, two more groups known as "Liberal Minded Conservative" and "Conservative Minded Liberal" have emerged… Offsprings of these two groups can often be spotted on discussion boards putting Labels on Humans while giving lectures on Morals and Ethics…

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